Jillzey's blog

06:54 @HungryLikeKevin I was thinking

• 06:54 @HungryLikeKevin I was thinking of selling tickets for the Bashing Kevin Express but then I just decided to give away the seats to fill it. #
• 07:42 @pmetten1 Are you sucking up to her? It really does help. @HungryLikeKevin is good at sucking up. That's why I don't kick him out. :) #
• 08:18 @HungryLikeKevin Of course I get to change the rules whenever I want. It's like you don't even know me anymore. #
• 09:22 I have a new female stalker. She sends me texts telling me that she can't stop thinking about me. She likes me. #
• 09:29 Don't get me wrong. She's cute and it's really flattering. #
• 11:48 @the_new_element I'm sorry. But working and playing too much lately. :) Am I #1 because I'm your favorite or because I'm first in line? #
• 11:58 I'm wearing panties with my dress today. You call it Independence Day. I call it Classy Day. #
• 14:07 I give way too good of head to go to prison. #
• 14:07 @theothersarah Fuck you, Universe. #
• 14:25 @I mNotAva I had a bikini once. It doubled as a parachute. #
• 14:43 "Sir, why are you yelling at me?" "Because I'm frustrated." "With how you handle stress, your wife must consider herself a very lucky lady." #
• 14:46 I hear it's fun if you understand a text before responding to it. Just a rumor that I heard. #
• 14:59 I just realized that today my dad is a man in the boat. Hahahaha. #
• 17:48 I'm like sugar. Lick me and Win. #
• 18:24 Seriously, why the fuck wouldn't a company put their goddamn hours on their website. Gr. #
• 19:47 Kevin's fortune: an unexpected event will bring excitement. Me: I'm breaking up w/you. Kevin: That's not unexpected, dear. #
• 22:35 Kevin: That's been there forever. Me: Forever? Kevin: As long as I've had access to your naked back. Me: That is forever. #

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08:50 Everyone but you. #

• 08:50 Everyone but you. #
• 15:45 Picking cherries. No platypus sex. #
• 20:45 Hey there, imaginary you. #
• 20:47 I'm eventually going to reply to all of your @ replies. I love you all, just still worn out from Fri night and busy, stupid day. Heart you #
• 22:08 My lip hurts. I'd appreciate it you all would stop biting it so much. Thanks. #
• 22:45 @HungryLikeKevin I get two Charlotte boyfriends for each of your one girlfriends. Just thought I'd let you know the rules. #
• 22:48 .@pmetten1 Sucks up real good! #

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14:41 New bras New bras.

• 14:41 New bras New bras. God I love you, new bras. #
• 15:34 Lots of men are talking to me today. My tits must look rocking. #
• 16:51 The Kid is applying for his first job right now. It's adorable. #
• 17:59 Me: Dad, is it skankier to sleep with three guys at once or three separately in one night? #
• 18:31 @pmetten1 ha. That made me laugh. You've touched on what I feel whenever he walks up to me and says mom. Ugh. Flattery works. I followed. #
• 18:33 @theothersarah maybe we should have a poll. He won't answer me. #
• 18:41 My dad is giving The Kid dating advice. The kid: And don't have chocolate on your forehead b/c it looks like you have shit on your head. #
• 19:08 The kid announced that he would rather have a probe up his ass than a finger. I'm speechless. #
• 19:09 My mom thinks she is going to stop talking to me so she doesn't end up in Twitter. Hahaha #
• 23:34 Hi Twitter. #
• 23:36 I like fun friends. #
• 23:40 No, you want the munchies. #
• 23:40 Who wants to make me food? #
• 00:20 Normally he likes Asian shit. No wait, you like Asian Pee. #
• 00:41 Group lickes. #
• 00:42 Dicks. #
• 00:46 New goal: Finding a new guy friend that Kevin will go totally homo for. #
• 01:15 You like platypus sex. #
• 01:16 Yiko #
• 01:16 Gaggle #
• 01:16 Crush #
• 01:17 Urge #
• 01:35 No, not in there. #
• 01:35 I cut my lip or maybe someone bit it. #

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14:10 Hey guys, guessing the

• 14:10 Hey guys, guessing the color of my lipstick isn't going to turn me on. Sorry. #
• 14:46 I put on pants (kind of) and made my bed. I'm amazing. #
• 14:50 I'm a keeper. #
• 15:59 @EmaPalooza Awesome. Tell her Congrats. Now you might not even have to get married. My brother saved me from that one. #
• 16:20 @JezebelTheGreat Don't forget my svelte 650 pounds. #
• 17:32 Dickums. #
• 18:51 Nope. Not you. #
• 18:54 @BDGarp We have the same instincts? #
• 19:08 Pants off. #
• 19:11 @killaguhrilla More lamp but I can put them on the ground. #
• 19:44 Mom: What are you doing? Me: Laying on my bed working. Mom: ..... Me: No, mom, I'm not a prostitute. #
• 19:56 @BDGarp See, we're living parallel lives. #
• 21:07 Why is The Kid not disturbed when he comes into my room and I'm layin g on my bed working in my panties. Shouldn't he be? #

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07:52 For some reason my

• 07:52 For some reason my dad thought a teenager would be awake at 7:30am during the summer and tried to call The Kid. Ugh. #
• 09:12 @skrike I definitely need more pictures of your crotch. #
• 10:07 I'm @totally_gay for my BFFL. Can't wait for tushy rubs. #
• 10:16 @TRozM2 I have 51 days until I get a tushy rub. I'm not counting down or anything, though. #
• 11:06 I do not live in a butt crack free-zone. None of you are jealous of this. #
• 14:31 I weigh a svelte 650lbs today. F ellas? #
• 15:15 Gummy bears in my belly. Gummy bears in my belly. Gummy bears in my belly. #
• 16:19 Running away to Brazil. #
• 16:31 Who me? Just making life choices without my life coach. #
• 18:44 @homerdashington While you are up in Mass will you have dirty sex with @RyanJJohn as my proxy? #
• 18:46 I'm so glad none of you are smart enough to remotely access my webcam. #
• 19:30 Pro Tip: When sending @benmarvin a text make sure you add "work" at the en d of "getting off." #
• 20:08 My nose tickles. Does that mean someone is masturbating to my picture? I'm looking at you @sleepndad. #
• 20:53 If I'm ever in a horror flick, I'm going to walk around with my mouth open hoping lots of gross stuff falls into it. #
• 20:54 That's my kid. RT @Iridium7: Thought of a movie about lesbian spys. I will call it Lesbionage. #
• 20:58 @hushmel You never have to apologize. I'll send you the real thing if you want. (At least I will in August) #
• 21:00 @mrmightymyth< /a> You have a masturbating voodoo doll of me? Can that doll just have sex? I'd like to live vicariously through my voodoo doll. #
• 21:24 Bored at work....playing with my boobies....yes, right now. #
• 21:45 @mrmightymyth :( Sad face. #
• 22:16 Why am I not getting sexy DMs from @BDGarp? #
• 22:47 Alcoholics are the ones that don't drink a beer in the shower, right? #
• 22:53 Maybe I'll pour a beer on me and pretend I'm taking a shower with R. Kelly. #
• 23:09 @homerdashington I only drink that shit in Charlotte because you all have an obsession with PBR. At home, only good dark beer is here #
• 23:11 I smell like soap. #

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08:33 Can't tell if my

• 08:33 Can't tell if my cat is trying to bite my lip or make out with me. Either way I'm good. #
• 14:12 Kevin has his boyfriend over. They look so cute cuddling on the couch watching a movie. #
• 15:19 .@hungrylikekevin has named his penis The Silver Lion. #
• 15:21 Now Kevin and his boyfriend are looking at baby pictures of him. They are so gay. #
• 20:06 Cunch in the punt. #
• 23:02 Congratulations to @eekabear14 for successfully popping out a kid & to @skrike for knocking her up and making her #MILF. L ove ya, kids. #

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10:34 @itsderekhuff Do you need

• 10:34 @itsderekhuff Do you need me to put a Voodoo Hex on anyone so you're not unemployed? #
• 10:55 @itsderekhuff That is great. I'll see you in August right? I will keep my Voodoo ready and waiting for you if you need it. :) #
• 11:27 @HuskyJon I convinced my kid early that Ramen are a luxury. He's still excited when I buy them. Sucker. #
• 11:38 The Kid is asking my opinion on how realistic his drawing of a topless girl is. Yeah.... #
• 11:46 @RyanJJohn. I' m jealous. My break is only 15 minutes but at least I'm already laying on my bed so I can nap right away. #
• 14:00 My mouth tastes like a dead hookers ass. Sadly not a live hookers ass. #
• 14:58 @theothersarah I'm sorry. You can always quit and run away to SLC. You can sleep in my bed w/me. #
• 15:32 @theothersarah Of course. The only reason we had clothes last time is because it was our first weekend away & i didn't want to assume. #
• 15:33 @theothersarah Oh, and here there isn't boob sweat. It's a beautiful 90 degrees wit h a breeze and NO humidity. And I have a keg of beer. #
• 15:55 @theothersarah I could just lick them for you. #
• 16:19 Today is nothing special. I'm thinking about running away. #
• 16:28 @TRozM2 What kind of sandwiches? #
• 16:40 @theothersarah Does it come with a guide to where his spare key is? Or how to deal w/people all cokes up hate? @azzman @xcailinx #
• 16:54 @azzman @theothersarah I didn't have my phone so no G oogle for me. I did learn to not let my phone out of my hands. #
• 16:55 @azzman @theothersarah We are not part of the retard camp. That was those other two. #
• 16:56 Someone wake up @hungrylikekevin and tell him to go to store and get dinner then make it. Thanks. #
• 17:30 Swedish Firesteel? Fucking Swedes trying to steal everything. #
• 18:01 I'm sure that Kevin thought since I am too lazy to make my own dinner that I wouldn't tweet for him. This is incorrect. #
• 18:12 Wow. I can't believe how much @HungryLikeKevin just tweeted about me and he let y ou all know how gay he is. He's so brave. #
• 18:27 Who me? I'm not up to anything. Just sitting on the couch. #
• 18:31 Come on, kids! Support a guy's honesty... give him some stars tinyurl.com/2eg6jkv tinyurl.com/2e4n96z #
• 18:36 Why do I let The Kid have the TV remote? #
• 18:38 I really would love if my tweets for @Hungrylikekevin made his popular board. Star those tweets!! #
• 20:41 What my life needs is more coaching. #
• 20:41 @azzman Where. I have an engagement pic with you and I don't have your number. #
• 20:44 @theothersarah You're my sexting coach because your sexts get me so bothered. #
• 20:49 My phone keeps replacing "shit" with "shot." It's like kindergarten all over again. #
• 20:51 .@HungryLikeKevin Don't hate a girl just cause I'm funnier at being you than you are. #
• 21:07 You move your lips when you text. Haha. #
• 21:25 The Kid is outside talking to a girl. Maybe I should yell to him, "Honey, it's time for your enema." #
• 22:01 Let's make out. #
• 22:11 @carty64 Sorry to hear about your dad. I'll be sending good thoughts for you both. #
• 22:14 @TRozM2 Surprisingly, no. #
• 22:40 @theothersarah He doesn't know me. #
• 00:04 Why isn't @homerdashington awake when I want him to be. Dammit. #

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09:05 No tweets at all

• 09:05 No tweets at all yesterday. My impersonation of @annoyatron is almost perfect. Just need a gun and three popped collars. #
• 10:30 Agggghhhhh!!! My eyes are burning! #
• 10:35 .@yuckybot only stars my tweets if I'm making fun of @hungrylikekevin. Somehow he knew that was what my last tweet was. #
• 10:48 @PyrBliss Is it bejeweled? I really want one that is bejeweled. #
• 10:51 BFFL #
• 11:51 Going to climb a water tower now. Hopefully it ends in a delousing and body ca vity search. #
• 14:58 Now that I have a life coach everything is going to be tits. #
• 16:14 Watching old TV is funny. People pay with checks. #
• 17:21 I love cute friends that send me poetry in my inbox. #
• 19:09 I have one silver and one purple ball in my mouth. #
• 19:30 Kevin's going to bed early tonight. I'm taking applications for tonight's boyfriend. #
• 19:42 @itsbabette I'm yours anytime, babe. We're thinking of going to Hawaii this fall or winter. When do you move? #
• 22:13 @IAmAntilia I tried to make sure I left my hair on his bed. Does that count? #
• 22:20 @theothersarah Wait, I thought I was the only Internet skank that hadn't seen @benmarvin's phallus. @iamantilia #
• 22:30 @IamAntilia I don't know anything about the phallus being golden but the belt collection is amazing. Right, @theothersarah? #
• 22:34 Hapenis. #
• 22:36 @theothersarah @IAmAntilia We're still talking about the belts, right? #
• 22:44 @simontarr You coming to me? #
• 22:45 @IAmAntilia I assumed that is why I was in the backseat of his car because his cock rides shotgun. @theothersarah #
• 22:48 I think @benmarvin would be participating in this if his penis wasn't in his hand. @theothersarah @iamantilia #
• 22:50 @simontarr I want to hear you sing it. #
• 22:55 Go for it. #
• 22:55 @theothersarah That was for you. :) #
• 22:59 @IAmAntilia @theothersarah I just assumed that Ben's penis is what @homerdashington was carrying around. #
• 23:04 @theothersarah Ha! I'm just kidding I was too busy being humped by Homer to look at his hand. #
• 23:06 @theothersarah @IAmAntilia That makes more sense. I thought it was @homerdashington's leg. #
• 23:07 @the_new_element You always get me excited when you talk about slipping t hings in the back. #
• 23:10 @theothersarah Fuck. Now I got nothing! @IAmAntilia #
• 23:17 Do you think @benmarvin is done playing w/@homerdashington? He's been awful absent from this. @theothersarah @Iamantilia #
• 23:42 @RyanJJohn I have ice-cream. You can come over and be shameful with me. #
• 23:51 I love when @theothersarah does a DM fail. That's why she and I are BFFL. #
• 23:53 @RyanJJohn Chocolate syrup? #
• 23:54 @theothersarah Ha. I'm only talking to you on two outlets so I might be able to keep them straight and not DM fail but we'll see. #
• 23:58 @theothersarah Eventually the Internet will figure out that you're having my baby. I don't know how much longer we can hide it. #
• 00:00 I'm sitting here naked with chocolate syrup waiting for @RyanJJohn.... #
• 00:04 @TRozM2 Not as lucky as you. @RyanJJohn hasn't ever gotten drunk with me and watched me skip down the street. #
• 00:09 @RyanJJohn @jensplace Perfect. Come over. I'm good at shame. #
• 00:41 How the fuck do I star a DM, seriously! #
• 00:48 .@IamAntilia is making me blush and I wasn't even thinking about her tongue. #
• 00:59 @IAmAntilia I think it was something else. After all, I think about your pussy 98% of my day. You'd think I'd stop making me blush by now. #

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12:29 Photo: I missed GPOYW

• 12:29 Photo: I missed GPOYW so I thought I’d share an old pic of me and The Kid. I even got tired of my red hair... tumblr.com/xt9c5sz24 #
• 16:32 Just fulfilling my niche in the world. That's what my life coach told me to do. #
• 16:33 Interesting observation. If I post of pic of me you all comment. But if I post a pic of me and @HungryLikeKevin...silence. #
• 16:56 No one's dry humped me today. Today definitely needs more @homerdashington. #
• 17:19 Gym boyfriend is here. He calls me doll and tells me about the Korean War. #
• 18:05 Best part about my gym boyfriend is he forgets The kid is my kid and calls him my little brother. #
• 18:17 After scowling at my #summerseve2010 bruises, mom says no #pbrdrinkoff2010. Good thing I don't do as I'm told. #
• 18:17 @JezebelTheGreat @theothersarah I'm starting my training next week. #
• 18:59 Me and my lemonade are going to take a shower. #
• 20:07 Getting my nerd on. #momoftheyear #
• 20:10 It's really just the skin of nerd that I trapped in the crawl space. #
• 20:20 Stabica is in the house and stabby #
• 20:25 D&D in a steampunk world where I get to stab people in the head. #
• 22:00 Kevin: There is a guy watching you (the kid) from across the bar. Me: He's into elf ass. Kid: I'm not an elf. Me: close enough. #
• 22:42 Now I need to @ reply @theothersarah so we can be talking on text, email and Twitter at the same time. #
• 22:44 @theothersarah I have one of those! (for work) #
• 22:46 @theothersarah We are so living in last century but I don't care. #
• 22:50 @theothersarah :( I do. But it's part of my printer, does that still count? #
• 23:00 @homerdashington Hey sexy. Still have that shirt on? #

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07:25 Had a dream last

• 07:25 Had a dream last night I was unpacking my bag & had @benmarvin's pants. Ben's not allowed to be the last person I talk to before bed again. #
• 11:22 @the_new_element I'm a little disappointed that you killed her first. #
• 11:56 With the two fist size bruises and a bug bite that's turned into a sore, I've got the sexiest legs. #
• 13:21 Dicks. #
• 13:33 Bored so I'm bombing @theothersarah's phone with texts. She loves me. #
• 13:42 Fucklulz #
• 14:25 @itsderekhuff You could have had an arm wrestling contest. I swoon over those. hahaha. Trust me, my blow jobs are worth the arm wrestle for #
• 14:37 I just might marry my new toothbrush. #
• 14:39 Fuck me. I'm hungry but my teeth are too clean to eat. This could be a great diet. #
• 15:24 I guess I wore out my tongue jewelry this weekend I just swallowed the ball. #
• 16:00 Good thing I've got spare balls. #
• 16:01 Now I'm like @itsderekhuff with one ball bigger than the other. #
• 17:42 "You mean more than banging..." #halfquotes #
• 17:45 Photo: For @theothersarah because she loves when girls hang their feet out the window. tumblr.com/xt9c478z1 #
• 17:51 I swear I finally unpacked my deodorant an used it today, not that you can tell. Fellas? #
• 17:55 If I had telekinetic powers i'd use it to trip little kids on scooters with rocks. #
• 17:57 I invited @hrbattershell over for the 4th, as long as she bangs @hungrylikekevin. Either way I get peace & quiet. #
• 18:01 Why is Kevin's gay boyfriends name badge in my car? Sorry about the competition @pizzoc. #
• 18:03 Life goal achieved: @benmarvin is sending me ebooks. #
• 21:33 @theothersarah No shit. The pub crawl next week doesn't sound nearly as fun as our awesome plans. Too bad they are all secret team stuff #
• 21:36 No, you're not at all self-righteous. What makes you think that? #
• 23:12 Yes, I'm walking around in my underwear. Yes, the windows and front door are open. No, I don't care. #

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